Thursday, December 4, 2008

A Blogger's Prayer

(To be rendered in the measured, judicial and slightly bonkers tone of Peter Cook at the Secret Policeman's Ball)

"Oh God our help for ages past, creator of birds and bees and, it must be said, evil ducks, forgive us our trespasses, if any should exist, as we pretend to forgive those we despise and lead us not into temptation but deliver it unto us while I lie down in this field and shall not want a shepherd, or something of that nature.

Let us all pray for the beauty of the earth, and may our blogs be rendered in the image of The Vinyl District, for such is the Kingdom of God. And as we give thanks for the (Holy) Ghost of Electricity, and may blessings shine on our Aged P's and indeed all those in need, or at least in Switzerland.

We remember those pilgrims who travel afar, such as The Vinyl Villain, and we earnestly pray that he might quit flying all over bloody Europe making us jealous and instead render unto Caesar the promised Best 46 Singles Not Including Orange Juice At All, lest the night comes slowly and the music shall cease.

Blessed are the meek, and indeed XOLondon, who gets to sit around all day watching Girls Aloud videos, kisses all the boys and girls (for he is a bit of a tart, apparently*) and, indeed, is charged with the sin of being a real writer who gets published and therefore ask not for whom the bell tolls but give him his daily bread or something.

We remember the parable of the chocolate chip cookie, for the Kingdom of Heaven is warm and nutty, and probably a little unhealthy in truth, and all things including It Should Have Been A Hit shall pass away, but these things we do in remembrance of Mikey.

We recall that in the last days there shall be signs and wonders, and Miss Parker may even post something else before the great tribulation and Wal-Mart shall inherit the earth, and this shall be the number of the beastly Dusty Bin Laden: 3-2-1.

May our knowledge of Sweden be as extensive as Too Much Apple Pie, and our knowledge of the dancefloor be guided as ever by Rene at Retro Wonderland who is too good for us but at least keep him safe from hurricanes and plagues of frogs, and indeed any other Europeans that might fall out of the sky.

And to our other friends, in South Africa, and Canada, and Scotland, and Ireland, and Australia, and New Zealand, and Poland, and France and, um, Minnesota, may they be blessed with health, and happiness, and full hard drives, for ever and ever, Amen."

And in those days it came to pass that a decree went forth asking all men to be silent and not blog about any music, rare or not, past or present, and we had in mind to creep silently into the night, for the virgin blogger was with Rapidshare links, and we had not yet clicked on them. But, lo, an angel appeared to three wise men in a record shop, saying, fear not, for good news of glad tidings I bring. The Red Box reissue is in the shops**, at which they looked up and followed a star and brought gifts to the blogosphere of creative thought, love and appreciation for all forms of art, and a small puppy called CoCo.

* I'm only repeating what I read, and bloggers are known to exaggerate occasionally all the time, so no offense is meant or intended!
** You may recall that last year I lamented that it was never going to come out!!


JON said...

I just got religion! Cheers!

Miss Parker said...



Davy H said...

And also with you my son.

whiteray said...

Signs and wonders, indeed . . . Peace an' all that to you and yours!

JC said...

aw shucks.