I'm sure most of you get some bizarre bank wire scam emails from time to time. I got this one at the weekend and it is hilarious. And, apparently, from one of the most powerful men in America! I've provided a helpful commentary.
    Welcome To                Federal Bureau of Investigations.    
        
        
        
        
        
                           ROBERT MUELLER III
   EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR         FBI
   FEDERAL BUREAU     OF INVESTIGATIONS FBI WASHINGTON DC. 
        
        
        
                    Email:fbialertfunds@aol.com.     
        
        
        
        FBI SEEKING TO            WIRETAP     INTERNET 
        
        
        
   FEDERAL BUREAU OF     INVESTIGATIONS SEEKING TO WIRETAP THE INTERNET.
   
   Attn: -
   
   
   
        
        WE BELIEVE     THAT THIS NOTIFICATION MEETS YOU IN A VERY GOOD PRESENT STATE OF     MIND AND HEALTH. (and just how, exactly, do you know what my state of mind is? Have you been reading my blog? Could you inform my wife, she has no idea where my head is at these days) WE THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI) IN     CONJUNCTION WITH SOME OTHER RELEVANT INVESTIGATION AGENCIES (so who are the irrelevant ones? The Bureau of Suspicious Cowpat Formations?) HERE IN     THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA HAVE RECENTLY BEEN INFORMED THROUGH OUR     GLOBAL INTELLIGENCE MONITORING NETWORK (that would be Raoul in Andorra, presumably, the one with the gimpy leg) THAT YOU PRESENTLY HAVE A     TRANSACTION GOING ON WITH THE NATIONAL     BANK OF EGYPT  AS REGARDS TO YOUR OVER-DUE     CONTRACT PAYMENT WHICH WAS FULLY ENDORSED IN YOUR FAVOR ACCORDINGLY. (I work with contracts all the time, I have no idea what this means. You can't endorse a contract.)
   
   IT MIGHT INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE TAKING OUT TIME IN     SCREENING THROUGH THIS PROJECT (well, you guys probably didn't have anything better to do, right?) AS STIPULATED ON OUR PROTOCOL OF     OPERATION AND HAVE FINALLY CONFIRMED THAT YOUR CONTRACT PAYMENT     IS100% GENUINE AND HITCH FREE FROM ALL FACT (yeah, I was just wondering if my latest deals are hitch-free, I use that expression all the time) AND OF WHICH YOU HAVE     THE LAWFUL RIGHT TO CLAIM YOUR FUND WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY.     HAVING SAID ALL THIS, WE WILL FURTHER ADVISE THAT YOU GO AHEAD IN     DEALING WITH THE NATIONAL                BANK OFFICE ACCORDINGLY AS WE WILL BE     MONITORING ALL THEIR SERVICES WITH YOU AS WELL AS YOUR     CORRESPONDENCE AT ALL LEVEL. (Gee, thanks, guys, that makes me feel a lot better. Should I mention Waco, just to be on the safe side?)
   
   IN ADDENDUM, ALSO BE INFORMED THAT WE RECENTLY HAD A MEETING WITH     THE EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR OF THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT, IN THE PERSON     OF MR. AHMED NASIR ABIDINE ALONG WITH SOME OF THE TOP OFFICIALS OF     THE MINISTRY REGARDING YOUR FUND AND THEY MADE US TO UNDERSTAND THAT     YOUR FILE HAS BEEN HELD IN A BASE (In a base? Like, an umbrella base? An army base?) DEPENDING ON WHEN YOU PERSONALLY     COME FOR THE CLAIM. (heck, I'm on a flight there right now!) THEY ALSO TOLD US THAT THE ONLY PROBLEM THEY ARE     FACING RIGHT NOW IS THAT SOME UNSCRUPULOUS ELEMENTS ARE USING THIS     PROJECT AS AN AVENUE TO SCAM INNOCENT PEOPLE OFF THEIR HARD EARNED     MONEY BY IMPERSONATING THE EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR AND THE NATIONAL BANK     OFFICE. (I'm sorry, I just don't believe people do that. But, hey, I'll trust you on this!)
   
   WE WERE ALSO MADE TO UNDERSTAND THAT A LADY WITH NAME MRS. JANET     WHITE FROM ARIZONA HAS ALREADY CONTACTED THEM AND ALSO PRESENTED TO     THEM ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTATIONS EVIDENCING YOUR CLAIM     PURPORTED TO HAVE BEEN SIGNED PERSONALLY BY YOU PRIOR TO THE RELEASE     OF YOUR CONTRACT FUND VALUED AT ABOUT US$3.5,000,000.00(THREE POINT     FIVE MILLION         UNITED STATES DOLLARS),     BUT THE NATIONAL BANK OFFICE DID THE WISE THING BY INSISTING ON     HEARING FROM YOU PERSONALLY BEFORE THEY GO AHEAD ON WIRING YOUR FUND     TO THE BANK INFORMATION WHICH WAS FORWARDED TO THEM BY THE ABOVE     NAMED LADY, THIS WAS THE REASON THEY CONTACTED US SO AS TO ASSIST     THEM IN MAKING THE INVESTIGATIONS.
   
   THEY FURTHER INFORMED US THAT WE SHOULD WARN OUR DEAR CITIZENS WHO     MUST HAVE BEEN INFORMED OF THE CONTRACT PAYMENT, WHICH WAS AWARDED     TO THEM FROM THE         NATIONAL BANK OF      EGYPT, TO BE VERY CAREFUL PRIOR TO THESE     IRREGULARITIES SO THAT THEY DON'T FALL VICTIM TO THIS UGLY     CIRCUMSTANCE. (words fail me here) AND IN CASE YOU ARE ALREADY DEALING WITH ANYBODY OR     OFFICE CLAIMING TO BE FROM THE    NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT,     YOU ARE FURTHER ADVISED TO STOP FURTHER CONTACT WITH THEM IN YOUR     BEST INTEREST AND THEN CONTACT IMMEDIATELY THE REAL OFFICE OF     THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT (NBE) ONLY WITH THE BELOW INFORMATION'S     ACCORDINGLY:
   
   
   OFFICE ADDRESS:  PRESIDENCY OFFICE OF THE PAY MASTER
   GENERAL OF THE FEDERATION AND SPECIAL ADVISER TO THE PRESIDENT ON     FINANCIAL MATTERS 
        
        NAME:MR AHMED     NASIR ABIDINE.
   
   
        
        CONTACT     ADDRESS:     24 SHERIF     STREET, CAIRO EGYPT.
           CONTACT NUMBER:     +20117409022    
        
            FAX LINE: +2018303233
   
   EMAIL ADDRESS:NBEFOREIGNCONTRACTPAYLINE@HOTMAIL.COM    
                                                         NBEPAYLINE@HOTMAIL.COM     
                                                             NBEPAYMENTINFORMATION@GMAIL.COM     
                                                                          
        
                    
   NOTE: 
        
        
   IN YOUR BEST INTEREST, ANY MESSAGE THAT DOESN'T COME FROM THE ABOVE     OFFICIAL EMAIL ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBERS SHOULD NOT BE REPLIED TO     AND SHOULD BE DISREGARDED ACCORDINGLY FOR SECURITY REASONS.     MEANWHILE, WE WILL ADVISE THAT YOU CONTACT THE NATIONAL BANK OFFICE     IMMEDIATELY WITH THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS AND REQUEST THAT THEY     ATTEND TO YOUR PAYMENT FILE AS DIRECTED SO AS TO ENABLE YOU RECEIVE     YOUR CONTRACT FUND ACCORDINGLY.
   
   ENSURE YOU FOLLOW ALL THEIR PROCEDURES AS MAY BE REQUIRED BY THEM,     IT WILL FURTHER HELP HASTEN THE WHOLE PROCEDURES AS REGARDS TO THE     RELEASE OF YOUR FUND TO YOU AS DESIGNATED. ALSO HAVE IN MIND THAT     THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT EQUALLY HAS THEIR OWN PROTOCOL OF     OPERATION AS STIPULATED ON THERE BANKING TERMS, SO DELAY COULD BE     VERY DANGEROUS. ONCE AGAIN, WE WILL ADVISE THAT YOU CONTACT THEM     WITH THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS AND MAKE SURE YOU FORWARD TO THEM ALL     THE NECESSARY INFORMATION'S WHICH THEY MAY REQUIRE FROM YOU PRIOR TO     THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND TO YOU ACCORDINGLY.
   
   ALL MODALITIES (Isn't this a mathematical term? Help!) HAVE ALREADY BEEN WORKED OUT EVEN BEFORE YOU WERE     CONTACTED AND NOTE THAT WE WILL BE MONITORING ALL YOUR DEALINGS WITH     THEM AS YOU PROCEED SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. ALL WE     REQUIRE FROM YOU HENCEFORTH IS AN UPDATE SO AS TO ENABLE US BE ON     TRACK WITH YOU AND THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT. WITHOUT WASTING MUCH     TIME, WE WANT YOU TO CONTACT THEM IMMEDIATELY WITH THE ABOVE EMAIL     ADDRESS SO AS TO ENABLE THEM ATTEND TO YOUR CASE ACCORDINGLY WITHOUT     ANY FURTHER DELAY AS TIME IS ALREADY RUNNING OUT.
   
   IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF ANY MORE INFORMATION'S IN REGARDS TO THIS     NOTIFICATION, FEEL FREE TO GET BACK TO US SO THAT WE CAN BRIEF YOU     MORE AS WE ARE HERE TO GUIDE YOU DURING AND AFTER THIS PROJECT HAS     BEEN COMPLETELY PERFECTED AND YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR CONTRACT FUND     AS STATED. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION IN     ADVANCE AS WE EARNESTLY AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE TO THIS MATTER.        
         
       BEST REGARDS