I Spy For The FBI

I'm sure most of you get some bizarre bank wire scam emails from time to time. I got this one at the weekend and it is hilarious. And, apparently, from one of the most powerful men in America! I've provided a helpful commentary.

Welcome To Federal Bureau of Investigations.

ROBERT MUELLER III
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS FBI WASHINGTON DC.

Email:fbialertfunds@aol.com.

FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS SEEKING TO WIRETAP THE INTERNET.

Attn: -

WE BELIEVE THAT THIS NOTIFICATION MEETS YOU IN A VERY GOOD PRESENT STATE OF MIND AND HEALTH. (and just how, exactly, do you know what my state of mind is? Have you been reading my blog? Could you inform my wife, she has no idea where my head is at these days) WE THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI) IN CONJUNCTION WITH SOME OTHER RELEVANT INVESTIGATION AGENCIES (so who are the irrelevant ones? The Bureau of Suspicious Cowpat Formations?) HERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA HAVE RECENTLY BEEN INFORMED THROUGH OUR GLOBAL INTELLIGENCE MONITORING NETWORK (that would be Raoul in Andorra, presumably, the one with the gimpy leg) THAT YOU PRESENTLY HAVE A TRANSACTION GOING ON WITH THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT AS REGARDS TO YOUR OVER-DUE CONTRACT PAYMENT WHICH WAS FULLY ENDORSED IN YOUR FAVOR ACCORDINGLY. (I work with contracts all the time, I have no idea what this means. You can't endorse a contract.)

IT MIGHT INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE TAKING OUT TIME IN SCREENING THROUGH THIS PROJECT (well, you guys probably didn't have anything better to do, right?) AS STIPULATED ON OUR PROTOCOL OF OPERATION AND HAVE FINALLY CONFIRMED THAT YOUR CONTRACT PAYMENT IS100% GENUINE AND HITCH FREE FROM ALL FACT (yeah, I was just wondering if my latest deals are hitch-free, I use that expression all the time) AND OF WHICH YOU HAVE THE LAWFUL RIGHT TO CLAIM YOUR FUND WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY. HAVING SAID ALL THIS, WE WILL FURTHER ADVISE THAT YOU GO AHEAD IN DEALING WITH THE NATIONAL BANK OFFICE ACCORDINGLY AS WE WILL BE MONITORING ALL THEIR SERVICES WITH YOU AS WELL AS YOUR CORRESPONDENCE AT ALL LEVEL. (Gee, thanks, guys, that makes me feel a lot better. Should I mention Waco, just to be on the safe side?)

IN ADDENDUM, ALSO BE INFORMED THAT WE RECENTLY HAD A MEETING WITH THE EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR OF THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT, IN THE PERSON OF MR. AHMED NASIR ABIDINE ALONG WITH SOME OF THE TOP OFFICIALS OF THE MINISTRY REGARDING YOUR FUND AND THEY MADE US TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR FILE HAS BEEN HELD IN A BASE (In a base? Like, an umbrella base? An army base?) DEPENDING ON WHEN YOU PERSONALLY COME FOR THE CLAIM. (heck, I'm on a flight there right now!) THEY ALSO TOLD US THAT THE ONLY PROBLEM THEY ARE FACING RIGHT NOW IS THAT SOME UNSCRUPULOUS ELEMENTS ARE USING THIS PROJECT AS AN AVENUE TO SCAM INNOCENT PEOPLE OFF THEIR HARD EARNED MONEY BY IMPERSONATING THE EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR AND THE NATIONAL BANK OFFICE. (I'm sorry, I just don't believe people do that. But, hey, I'll trust you on this!)

WE WERE ALSO MADE TO UNDERSTAND THAT A LADY WITH NAME MRS. JANET WHITE FROM ARIZONA HAS ALREADY CONTACTED THEM AND ALSO PRESENTED TO THEM ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTATIONS EVIDENCING YOUR CLAIM PURPORTED TO HAVE BEEN SIGNED PERSONALLY BY YOU PRIOR TO THE RELEASE OF YOUR CONTRACT FUND VALUED AT ABOUT US$3.5,000,000.00(THREE POINT FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS), BUT THE NATIONAL BANK OFFICE DID THE WISE THING BY INSISTING ON HEARING FROM YOU PERSONALLY BEFORE THEY GO AHEAD ON WIRING YOUR FUND TO THE BANK INFORMATION WHICH WAS FORWARDED TO THEM BY THE ABOVE NAMED LADY, THIS WAS THE REASON THEY CONTACTED US SO AS TO ASSIST THEM IN MAKING THE INVESTIGATIONS.

THEY FURTHER INFORMED US THAT WE SHOULD WARN OUR DEAR CITIZENS WHO MUST HAVE BEEN INFORMED OF THE CONTRACT PAYMENT, WHICH WAS AWARDED TO THEM FROM THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT, TO BE VERY CAREFUL PRIOR TO THESE IRREGULARITIES SO THAT THEY DON'T FALL VICTIM TO THIS UGLY CIRCUMSTANCE. (words fail me here) AND IN CASE YOU ARE ALREADY DEALING WITH ANYBODY OR OFFICE CLAIMING TO BE FROM THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT, YOU ARE FURTHER ADVISED TO STOP FURTHER CONTACT WITH THEM IN YOUR BEST INTEREST AND THEN CONTACT IMMEDIATELY THE REAL OFFICE OF THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT (NBE) ONLY WITH THE BELOW INFORMATION'S ACCORDINGLY:


OFFICE ADDRESS: PRESIDENCY OFFICE OF THE PAY MASTER
GENERAL OF THE FEDERATION AND SPECIAL ADVISER TO THE PRESIDENT ON FINANCIAL MATTERS

NAME:MR AHMED NASIR ABIDINE.

CONTACT ADDRESS: 24 SHERIF STREET, CAIRO EGYPT.
CONTACT NUMBER: +20117409022

FAX LINE: +2018303233

EMAIL ADDRESS:NBEFOREIGNCONTRACTPAYLINE@HOTMAIL.COM

NBEPAYLINE@HOTMAIL.COM

NBEPAYMENTINFORMATION@GMAIL.COM

NOTE:

IN YOUR BEST INTEREST, ANY MESSAGE THAT DOESN'T COME FROM THE ABOVE OFFICIAL EMAIL ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBERS SHOULD NOT BE REPLIED TO AND SHOULD BE DISREGARDED ACCORDINGLY FOR SECURITY REASONS. MEANWHILE, WE WILL ADVISE THAT YOU CONTACT THE NATIONAL BANK OFFICE IMMEDIATELY WITH THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS AND REQUEST THAT THEY ATTEND TO YOUR PAYMENT FILE AS DIRECTED SO AS TO ENABLE YOU RECEIVE YOUR CONTRACT FUND ACCORDINGLY.

ENSURE YOU FOLLOW ALL THEIR PROCEDURES AS MAY BE REQUIRED BY THEM, IT WILL FURTHER HELP HASTEN THE WHOLE PROCEDURES AS REGARDS TO THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND TO YOU AS DESIGNATED. ALSO HAVE IN MIND THAT THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT EQUALLY HAS THEIR OWN PROTOCOL OF OPERATION AS STIPULATED ON THERE BANKING TERMS, SO DELAY COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS. ONCE AGAIN, WE WILL ADVISE THAT YOU CONTACT THEM WITH THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS AND MAKE SURE YOU FORWARD TO THEM ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION'S WHICH THEY MAY REQUIRE FROM YOU PRIOR TO THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND TO YOU ACCORDINGLY.

ALL MODALITIES (Isn't this a mathematical term? Help!) HAVE ALREADY BEEN WORKED OUT EVEN BEFORE YOU WERE CONTACTED AND NOTE THAT WE WILL BE MONITORING ALL YOUR DEALINGS WITH THEM AS YOU PROCEED SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. ALL WE REQUIRE FROM YOU HENCEFORTH IS AN UPDATE SO AS TO ENABLE US BE ON TRACK WITH YOU AND THE NATIONAL BANK OF EGYPT. WITHOUT WASTING MUCH TIME, WE WANT YOU TO CONTACT THEM IMMEDIATELY WITH THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS SO AS TO ENABLE THEM ATTEND TO YOUR CASE ACCORDINGLY WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY AS TIME IS ALREADY RUNNING OUT.

IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF ANY MORE INFORMATION'S IN REGARDS TO THIS NOTIFICATION, FEEL FREE TO GET BACK TO US SO THAT WE CAN BRIEF YOU MORE AS WE ARE HERE TO GUIDE YOU DURING AND AFTER THIS PROJECT HAS BEEN COMPLETELY PERFECTED AND YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR CONTRACT FUND AS STATED. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION IN ADVANCE AS WE EARNESTLY AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE TO THIS MATTER.

BEST REGARDS

Robert S. Mueller III
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,

NW Washington, D.C.
20535-0001, USA

Email:fbialertfunds@aol.com.

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: THIS COMMUNICATION AND ITS ATTACHMENTS MAY CONTAIN NON-PUBLIC, CONFIDENTIAL OR LEGALLY PRIVILEGED INFORMATION. THE UNLAWFUL INTERCEPTION, USE OR DISCLOSURE OF SUCH INFORMATION IS PROHIBITED. IF YOU ARE NOT THE INTENDED RECIPIENT, OR HAVE RECEIVED THIS COMMUNICATION IN ERROR, PLEASE NOTIFY THE SENDER IMMEDIATELY BY REPLY EMAIL AND DELETE ALL COPIES OF THIS COMMUNICATION AND ATTACHMENTS WITHOUT READING OR SAVING THEM.

Who teaches these guys English? Do they have the complete works of Shakespeare and a stack of National Geographics? I was just thinking, I could get my six year old to teach them better vocabulary skills. I wouldn't rip them off, or anything...